barbara walters just said penis...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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