it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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