i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
