I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
