I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
