then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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