I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
