Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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