So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
