the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
