There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
