in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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