I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
