my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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