I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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