Kiss
Puke
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
