She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
