If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
is it fun? or sober?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
