First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
