I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
