mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
