These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
