He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
