She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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