I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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