I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
