Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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