WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
