come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
