don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
