Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
