it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
