This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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