For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
