Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
