I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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