where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
