You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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