he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it glows. i had to have it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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