come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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