I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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