if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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