you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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