Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
