I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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