How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
