needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
