when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
