Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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