I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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